kat heron baron: not letting 2016 slide

optimysticals:

timemachineyeah:

saywhatjessie:

tattooedsiren:

gvorgeblagden:

batcii:

how did jk manage to write ootp and not come to the conclusion that the only career w any true meaning for harry james potter was as a goddamn professor at hogwarts like how do u write the da scenes and say “nah he’d want to be a wizard cop”

#just let him dress in warm sweaters and have tea with neville in the staff room and help first years #harry james potter as hogwarts longest serving defense against the dark arts teacher fucking fight me (@batcii)

#but it would be so perfect??? #bc it would help normalize his life so much #like there would just be this generation of kids who are like #‘ugh who cares that he killed the dark lord he gAVE US HOMEWORK OVER BREAK’ #like the beginning of every year there would be the new first years who would freak out a little #but then it would calm down #and most of the students would literally forget #until like clockwork the fifth years would have their history of magic class on the second war #and they’d all show up to DADA looking a little awestruck and everyone would be extra quiet #and harry would give this kind of annoyed sigh—except it’s fake bc he TOTALLY knew this was coming #bc binns is a bro and he totally gives him a heads up every year #and harry wouldn’t have any lesson plans for the day and instead he would just sit at the front of the room and answer everyone’s questions #but otherwise everyone would just be like ‘professor potter!! i can’t get my patronus to work! help me!’ #and like they’d go home at the end of the year or for break and their parents—who ARE still starstruck by harry james potter #would pester their kids with questions#and the kids would just be like ‘merlin i don’t know?? potter’s such a huge dork you should hear him talk about proper wand movements’ #but they would all love him #and he would feel safe and normal and utterly accepted #AND I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE (via @cinematicnomad)

Not to mention it would be an ultimate Fuck You to Voldemort, who put a curse on the teaching position in the first place.

Like, Jo, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but COME ON

I already queued this but also, you do this, but still have Ginny become a famous Quidditch player. Imagine the first time Harry gets called “Ginny’s husband” before “the boy who lived” or “the chosen one.” Imagine how fucking pleased he’d be.

Imagine the first time a student comes up to him looking starry-eyed and Harry’s thinking “Oh no” because he doesn’t want to talk about Voldemort or the war but instead this little eleven year old is like “ARE YOU REALLY MARRIED TO WEASLEY FROM THE HOLLYHEAD HARPIES???!?? WHAT’S SHE LIKE?” and he’s like “oh thank god” because he could talk about Ginny all day. 

Yes. Good.

(via timefortigers)

peridotsofficialtwitteraccount:

IF YOU CANT HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, JUST REMEMBER THAT I HANDLE ME AT MY WORST AND THAT MAKES ME STRONGER THAN YOU

(via jestr0)

pipistrellus:

“Oi, Harry!”

Potter went slightly ashen, and whipped his head around. It was Terrifying Martin, surrounded by four nearly identical copies of himself. “Oi, lads, look what we have here! Haz! Dave-o!”

“What is he saying,” Draco asked Potter in an undertone.

“Our names,” Potter said. “Hey, Martin.”

Terrifying Martin exchanged a baffling interchange of hand thumps with Potter. Draco made sure to be busy too busy with his drink to attempt any hand thumping or shaking of any kind.  “Lads, I met these two in my Hall. They were looking for Mark.”

One of the Martins nodded enthusiastically. “Mark! Incredible.”

“Classic,” added another Martin.

i am grateful for harry potter fanfiction written in the year 2016 because,

(via timefortigers)

bossubossupromode:

SOFT GIRL:

SOFT GIRL DELUXE:

DANGER LADY:

DANGER LADY (ALOLA FORM):

(via timefortigers)

bpdpaki:

girls with deep voices 😍💞👏🏽💞👭💓👍🏽👌🏽👅💦👩‍❤️‍👩💁🏻💋🙈🌹💦🍑🍒🎤🎉🎊💝💗💔❣💕💕💓💖💗💝💞💕❤️💗💘💓💟💝💯💯

(via cuttlefishlovr)

starcunning:

lemonadesoda:

feralmermaids:

maralie:

i really love our generation’s joke trend of like, very calm but incredibly inflated hyperbole. like nobody says “oh she’s pretty” anymore we say “i would willingly let her murder me” and everyone is just like “lol same”

i think “same” is also great and “me,” i love when somebody reblogs a picture of like, a lizard, and just says “me” and we all know exactly what they mean. the current online Humor Discourse is remarkable because we trade exclusively in metaphors and implications and nobody ever, ever says anything outright and yet EVERYBODY understands each other perfectly

#ppl are gonna write their dissertations on this shit (x)

// @antlered-kitten

This reminds me of the time when I was on vacation with my family and we were hiking, and after using a rest stop, the conversation turned to the grossness of outhouses and port-a-potties, and I said that if I ever got splashback from a port-a-potty, “my soul would depart my body.” My parents found that hilarious, and my dad commented that my generation can be so clever with words bc he would only think to say something like “It would be disgusting” which doesn’t convey the sentiment nearly as well as “my soul would depart my body.”

Adjacent but relevant is Tia Baheri’s “Your Ability to Can Even: A Defense of Internet Linguistics”

(via armcontrolnerve)